Surfer’s Ear

As if surfers from colder climes aren’t disadvantaged enough by the simple truth that cold water sucks, along comes diffuse exostosis, or surfer’s ear, to compound their problems. The auditory-afflicting condition worsens with repeated exposure to the elements until surgery becomes the only respite from total hearing loss. Then again, deafness means never again having to hear stories of what they’re missing in the tropics.

Surfer’s ear takes years of cold-water sessions to develop, so the affliction is endemic to older surfers. Early warning signs include calling out, “Holy shit, my ears are cold!” If mere discomfort isn’t enough to make you invest in some dorky-looking ear plugs or move inland altogether, bigger problems are on the horizon. Long-term exposure leads to a build-up of bone within the ear canal, gradually hindering drainage between surfs. Carrying polluted saltwater around in your head presents its own set of evils, the nastiest of which can lead to an acute infection of the ear — a painful malady that may make you want to blow your head off and be through with it.

As a group, surfers are irrationally pigheaded when it comes to weighing potential dangers of their beloved sport. The best waves generally occur in winter, and anything short of hypothermia or rigor mortis is just part of the experience. Allowed to continue, surfer’s ear results in hearing loss as the bony growth closes the ear canal down for business. In order to restore hearing, surgery is required in the form of canaloplasty, a painful orgy of power tools within your head requiring an average two-month recovery. Shunning doctor’s orders of a high and dry healing process is ill-advised and could land you back in surgery, so it’s best to plan the operation just before the longest flat spell of the century.

For the safety conscious surfer, there are ways to avoid the whole ordeal. Ear plugs may be as unfashionable as a tiger-striped banana hammock, but they do the trick. Several styles exist — from the custom jobbers crafted by your family audiologist to the wax globs available at any drug store. After the onset of exostosis, the damage can be minimized by irrigating after each surf, using isopropyl alcohol with a dash of white vinegar. While the alcohol dries any post-session residue, the acidic nature of the vinegar combats any potential for bacterial or fungal growth.

Short of relocating to the tropics, surfers living in cold climates learn to accept surfer’s ear right along with armpit rash, ice cream headaches and severe shrinkage as just another day at the office. Like tennis elbow or truck driver’s butt, it’s an occupational hazard, a small price to pay for the best surf of the year. — Jason Borte