Snap-on judgement

Snap-on judgement

06/12/2015

Here’s the funny thing: it’s socially acceptable to treat people like crap, but what you can’t do is make fun of them, in public anyway, because that would be socially incorrect.

Forget the term “politically correct,” because it is perfectly allowable in politics, for instance, to call opponents mouth-breathing liars, but you cannot make fun of mouth-breathers themselves, because they might have some respiratory condition or it could even be a matter of personal choice about which certain people might be sensitive.

“I knew many years ago that I was a mouth-breather and I resent the implication that I am somehow the less for it. I demand a public apology or I will ruin you via social media.”

Jeez. Apparently, even superstar comedians such as Jerry Seinfeld will no longer play college campuses because of the grief they get if they say the tiniest thing that upsets these sensitive, everybody’s-a-winner people.

That means, of course, they no longer can make sex or gender jokes, a prohibition that would have ruined the jokesters of old – “Take my (person)  – please!”

And especially there can be no jokes about sex changes such as wondering whether there is any relationship between these personal alterations and, say, Snap-on Tools.

You could get into real trouble for that. So, what we’re left with is making fun of plants, rocks or completely normal people, assuming that the latter exist.

Writing something amusing about plants or rocks would have its limitations: a plant walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a Bud …” Or, a chunk of quartz rolls into a bar and the bartender says to the quartz, “Hey, you’re full of schist …”

Not good. On the other hand, a completely normal person walks into a completely normal bar and says to the completely normal bartender in a completely normal tone, “Do you see anything abnormal about me?”

The bartender replies, “You’re fat, odd-looking, breathe through your mouth, have hairy ears, a tail and, it appears, three arms, two of which are playing a banjo while the other keeps time. Nope. You look perfectly normal to me.”

“Good,” says the man, “I was afraid someone might make fun of me and hurt my feelings.”

“Why?” the bartender asks.

“I’m a Democrat.”

“Get out!” the bartender roars.

“But, you said I was normal.”

“Well, I did, but now you’ve made it personal.”

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