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Public Eye 01.11.13

A story about the sentencing of a woman who stole a number of things from an area home, including a cello, proves that the expression is true, even among thieves:  no matter what they take, there’s always room for cello.

It does make one wonder, though, how someone would go about hocking a hot cello, although seldom has anyone ever described a cello, or cello music, as hot.

It isn’t as if the possessor of such a stolen instrument can stand in the shadows along a city street, emerging only when a likely customer happens by and saying, as he swings open the flap of his coat to display his wares, “Psst, buddy, want to buy a cello?

Then, too, how would anyone know what a cello customer looks like, since the word is they look like everyone else, which means no matter how alert you might be, you just never know when a cellist is sneaking up on you.

On the other hand, one would have to be more than moderately stupid to abscond with a full-size cello, which is exactly 48.5 inches tall overall, and therefore difficult to stash under the seat of any normal getaway car and prone to discovery in a routine pat-down

“Soooo,” says Ofc. Murphy, “what’s that bulge under your jacket? You wouldn’t be carrying a concealed cello, now would you lad?”

***

A recent opinion survey conducted by Public Policy Polling, a highly respected North Carolina outfit has been getting a great deal of air time and press about its poll that compared the popularity of Congress to any number of otherwise unfavorable things.

It’s so bad, what with Congress having a 7 percent approval rating lately, that comparing the public’s favorable/unfavorable opinion of Congress to other aggravations has become something of a parlor game.

For instance, the company’s poll shows that Congress is less popular than root canals, head lice, NFL replacement refs, and, yes, even colonoscopies.

The difference between Congress and a colonoscopy, after all, is significant. With a colonoscopy you have trained experts sticking it to you.

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