‘Results may vary,’ solves it all

‘Results may vary,’ solves it all

08/29/2014

My favorite disclaimer of all time is the one that appears at the ends of ads and commercials for the assorted remedies for what ails us.

This short but powerful sentence is especially prevalent in the world of pills, programs and supplements that guarantee to make us happier and healthier, and to improve our performance is various significant areas.

“You can lose 50 pounds! Guaranteed!” the ad proclaims, followed by, in much smaller type, “(Results may vary.)”

For whatever reason, people tend to overlook these three little words, while they do subscribe to the rest of these snake oil promises. To me that suggests that this small but potent advisory might be put to good use in other of circumstances:

“I swear that I’m just stopping off for one … (results may vary).”

Or, “I’ll be home by 11, I promise … (results may vary).”

And then there’s, “Sure, I’ll help clean up … (results may vary).”

The way I see, that’s just being honest. Since things don’t always work out the way we intended, we might as well accept that and offer a disclaimer just in case.

“Control of Congress will be at stake on Nov. 4, when the voting public goes to the polls in the 2014 mid-term elections. Candidates from the two major parties have pledged to be more/less flexible on immigration and more/less supportive of public health care, while contenders across the spectrum have assured the public that they will do more to boost the economy … (results may vary).”

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