Public Eye 3/1/13
Now and then, you get the idea that your fine-tuning might be a little off and that among the millions and millions of normal people out there, you are the one who is not fitting in.
And then, just as you are about to conclude that your normal people membership sticker is about to expire, something comes your way that convinces you that it’s the rest of the world that is going nuts, while you, give or take a little quirk here and there, remain the same.
Dateline Amsterdam: Mayor Eberhard Van der Laan has decreed that, in a crackdown on crime, that the minimum age for all prostitutes will be raised from 18 to 21. No mention was made whether this will warrant a price increase, or whether the city will require practitioners of the world’s oldest profession to buy hooker medallions from city hall.
Dateline Mexicali: Police in Mexico report that they have discovered a makeshift plastic cannon powered by compressed air that has been used to fire 30-pound packages of marijuana over the border fence into California.
No word yet from business groups on both sides of the border who reportedly are thinking of turning the situation into a major event like Punkin’ Chunkin’, except they would call it “Pot Shot.”
Dateline Rome: It is actually true that bookmakers are giving odds and taking bets on who will be the next pope. I don’t know what these people are thinking. Who’d bet on something like that without a point spread?
Dateline Vancouver, B.C.: A coach of youth league hockey for kids between the ages of 10-13 has been sentenced to prison after an incident that occurred during the post-game handshake.
Coach Martin Tremblay was apparently walking through the handshake line, when he stuck out his leg and tripped two kids on the opposing team. Reportedly, he was upset that one of the little stickmen gave him the finger after scoring a goal.
Nevertheless, tripping the kid went too far, although fans of the movie “Slap Shot” thought it was cool.
Dateline Europe: Government officials throughout the union are upset to learn that food-processing companies have been selling horsemeat as beef. Although they do eat horsemeat in some European nations, where the saying is, “When the going gets tough, so does the meat,” they also want to protect their fine dining image.
This has prompted one French minister to call for labeling meat for exactly what it is, just as they do with wine.
The proposed label: “A horse is a horse, of course, of course.”